Where is home?

In seven hours I will be flying back to Los Angeles after a week in Philadelphia. This trip was my first visit since moving to Los Angeles last year and I was excited to see my friends and family. It was good seeing everyone and I realized just how much I missed them all so much. The people I missed most are my youngest siblings who have grown so much this past year. It saddened me to realize how much I had missed in their lives.

In spite of missing people so much though this trip has reinforced to me that leaving Philadelphia was the best decision for me. Growing up here I always felt out of place and could never quite find where I fit in here. Being back here made me realize that while Philadelphia would always hold a special place in my heart it was never really home for me.

Why are people still getting married?

Marriage has always been one of those things that I find to be odd. My view of marriage is that it is and always has been a contract between people. In the past marriage, in many cultures, was basically the method by which a man took possession of his wife from her father/legal guardian. As culture has shifted it is now more of a contract for the obligation that people choose to make to each other.

I see so many people who are trapped in what appear to be loveless and miserable marriages but for one reason or another they choose to stay in their marriage. Recent occurrences  have served to reinforce my negative views on marriage overall.

I was recently contacted by someone who had been one of my best friends beginning when we were eight but who up to this point I had not talked to in almost four years after she had gotten married and we had a falling out. After she had gotten married we began to drift apart and I only am now finding out that her husband had been an insecure and controlling guy who basically isolated her from her friends and was verbally abusive to her. She told me how he had been extremely jealous of how close we were. While things like this can and do occur in less formalized relationships I think that it would have been much easier to extricate herself from this situation if they had not been married. She was able to get out but in my opinion marriage complicates things when something like this happens.

In another instance a friend has told me of how she feels obligated to stay with her husband even though he has treated her poorly and has done things that betrayed their marriage. She feels obligated to stay not because she feels that she loves him but because it is her parents wish and he helped her through some tough times early on in their relationship.

People are always trying to get me to see the beauty of marriage but every time I look all I see is ugliness and more evidence that marriage is a terrible mistake and should be avoided at all cost.

It's all Relative

 My brother called me about six hours ago to let me know that my paternal grandfather had died. People who hear about this will offer condolences and apologies. None should be offered to me though since my grandfather was more of a stranger to me than the guy who sells me my beer. 

When I think back on my childhood I only have one positive memory of my grandfather. Considering how much time I spent with the man as a child, and the insane amount of information that I can remember going back to when I was two years old, this is pretty sad. Having him die and not feeling any real emotion in regards to that illustrates just how little "family" and "relatives" actually have to do with each other. 

I have a very small number of people whom I consider to be my family as compared to the number of people with whom I share blood & DNA. So RIP grandfather, a man I never knew